The Choice of Compassionate Power

"It struck her as miraculous that there was

unlimited power

in choosing what one thinks..."

-Sue Boggio and Mare Pearl-

I am chewing like a dog on a bone at the reality of Power in our world today, how its paradoxical energy carries both beneficial, life-giving connections and harmful, deadly forces. Depending, of course, on the human or organization it lives within.

Power does not only come from the highest echelons of cultural, political, and/or economic hierarchies. There is a simultaneous, parallel power that is birthed from the voices of women, men, and children living their daily lives. It is a power grown and nurtured amid the complex dynamics of families and work, kindnesses and struggle, the experiences of being human that show up in countless conversations and interactions with people we’re close to or in the midst of strangers.

Choice is the foundation of power. When contemplating the nature of this energy, I’ve found it is profoundly important to consider the source. Whose voice is speaking when a particular old story begins to exert its power through a habitual knee-jerk reaction? What values and ideals are represented by this voice? What strengths or weaknesses in character are coming through the words? How does your body feel on hearing this voice?

After questioning the source’s validity, viability, and relevance, blend the answers into the center of your own experience. Compassionate power becomes personal and shockingly hands-on useful when you decide to whom you will listen, whom you will believe, who is trustworthy, and perhaps most importantly, just how willing you are to ask the countless, revealing questions that will get you to those answers.

Powerlessness, the opposite of empowered, causes hands to hang useless at our sides, feet to suddenly freeze in mid-step, emotions to boil over or go subterranean, a glaze to conceal what only seconds before were intelligent, alert eyes. It can leave us speechless, unable to take beneficial action, and deprive us of any sort of “fire in the belly” that would normally move us up and out of urgent or dire situations or help us find solutions to consequential problems.

During a workshop, I opened up a conversation about the different perspective of Compassionate Power. One woman seemed especially uncomfortable with the discussion and later I asked if there was anything she’d like to share. Her jaw was tight, her eyes wide like the proverbial deer in the headlights.

“There is no way the word compassionate can be combined with the word power. That’s not how I was raised. My father had the power, and that was that. No one in my family ever questioned it.”

No action is itself an action, leaving a hole for others' thoughts and behaviors to fill up your life by default. Like all old stories, the concept of “Power beyond our reach” is deeply embedded in our conscious and unconscious minds. It is especially disguised in the world of politics, used to deliberately “spin” meaning within political slogans and speeches through the use of framing—redefining a complex concept or issue to fit within an overly simplified, abstract context. (see 1 below)

Our old stories are tender places, easily undone by a word or a look. It’s important to remember that this manipulation can only occur if some part of us accepts others’ words as truth, if powerlessness has been our companion long enough to erode our ability to think and act. Consider that to rise out of a lifetime of powerlessness is one of the most difficult actions we may ever take. The first time may feel impossible, yet each time we respond and listen instead of react and blame our minds and bodies feel the lightness as old habits start to crumble. To feel a habit weaken is to never forget that change is possible.

To reach for that lightness with a willingness to rewrite our own stories and listen to the stories of others without judgement is akin to a phoenix rising out of the ashes—made whole again because we have survived searingly tough times and come back stronger.

For compassionate power contained within language reaches us as a metamessage by embracing several meanings within a conversation or the written word, the delivery felt at a deeper, palpable, physical level. The result is compelling, inspiring, and motivating, rousing us to actions that at their best are given and received with goodwill, without the agenda of being that "one and only correct view” and without bringing harm to others.

 In this world of paradox, conflicting viewpoints can easily turn into actions/reactions of misunderstanding, control, and violence. The confusing and contradictory metamessage within the concept of power is found in many of its synonyms: control, ability, nation, strength, reign, drive, grip, influence, authority, supremacy, rule, capacity, dominion, clout, weight, might, dominance, jurisdiction.

Alternatively, compassion is a wise and inclusive place. To share open-heartedly from this perspective allows us to say to others I hear you, I see you. Within this fertile generosity a person can move forward into possibility. It is here that necessary questions and creative answers open up a multifaceted collaboration of spirit, intellect, and heart. This ability to respond can allow each of us to become an empowered presence in all areas of everyday living, for it has a mighty and persistent way of rippling out to others.

Add compassion, and the dynamics of seemingly Goliath-sized power falls to earth. Without the roar of control and chaos, courageous choice lights up the conversation. And in that light, we can realize we are, and continually become, what we choose.

Fact is there's so much in this world we cannot control. Yet the timeless truth is we can control our perspectives, our behavior towards others, and our willingness to adapt, learn, and nurture those we love and the connections we value.

And yes, it's a challenging road to follow. And yes, it's time.

1. From Bonnie Azab Powell's article, "Framing the Issues: Linguistics Professor George Lakoff Tells How Conservatives Use Language to Dominate Politics." UCBerkeleyNews (2003). Accessed November 11, 2006.

Photograph by Victoria Saratore, copyright 2024.

Note from author: this is a revised version of Chapter 15 in The Book of Calm: Clarity, Compassion, and Choice in a Turbulent World, She Writes Press, 2017. Thank you for reading this. Pass it forward if you feel so moved.